Facebooked
by Lady Drama
Summary: The entire KKM cast on facebook. Pairings: Yuuram, BobxCeli, GwendalxAnissina, ConrartxYozak, ShinouxMurata.
1. Online

_A/N: I'm supposed to be writing a poem for English class right now but I just can't get this thing out of my head so here goes….Facebook KKM Style!_

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Shibuya Yuuri** is now friends with **Conrart Weller, Murata Ken** and **28** others  
**2 minutes ago ~ Comment ~ Like**

**Conrart Weller **_at 7:30 pm December 5_

Glad to see you finally joined heika

**Wolfram **_at 7:30 pm December 5_

Wimp! How come you were friends with Conrart and Murata before me?

**Murata Ken **_at 7:31 pm December 5_

*glinting glasses* hmmm…..I sense some entertainment ahead

**Cecile von Spitzberg** is in looovveee with Facebook's dating applications!  
_Comment ~ Like ~ Use Dating Application_

**2575739** people like this

**Gwendal von Voltaire is** knitting bearbees

**Shibuya Yuuri is** relieved

**Wolfram **_at 7:45 December 5_

Agreed. Thanks to his Facebook status now we won't have to spend time wondering what big brother is making

**20** people like this

**Shibuya Yuuri is** bored

**Gunter von Christ **_at 8 pm December 5_

Oh heeiiikkkkaaaaaaa! How could you say so when we are in the middle of the history of the fascinating reforms bought about by the 8th Maou in the the cultivation of cow dung to be used as manure! TT

**Greta is** helping Anissina with her inventions

**Shibuya Yuuri and Wolfram **_at 8:15 pm December 5_

GRETA GET OUT OF THERE!

**Anissina is** looking for new guinea pigs

**Gwendal von Voltaire is** evacuating Blood Pledge Palace

**Gunter von Christ is** considering shifting to a safe location such as Antarctica

**Shibuya Miko and Cecile von Spitzberg** are busy planning a wedding

**Conrart Weller **_at 8:27 pm December 5_

Whose wedding?

**Cecile von Spitzberg** is in a relationship with Bob  
_Comment ~ Like ~ Change Your Relationship Status_

**2575739** people dislike this

**Greta is** in a relationship

**Shibuya Yuuri:** WHAT?

**Wolfram:** All the spirits of fire I summon you…..

**Shibuya Miko**: Oooohhh! I can finally plan my granddaughter's wedding!

**Cecile von Spitzberg**: You're learning fast love….

**Gwendal von Voltaire is** writing out the paperwork necessary to make Greta's relationship illegal

**Doria, Lasagne, Sangria and Elle** **are** opening a new love lottery for the princess. Betting open now!


	2. Pickup lines

_BTW, I forgot to mention this in the first chapter but this fanfic is inspired by Tech Savvy, a Gakuen Alice fanfic by Tearless Sonnet_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Kyou Kara Maou. Duh._

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Shibuya Yuuri is** on fire

**Gunter von Christ** _at 2:30 pm December 10_

WHAT? Ohhh heeiiikkkaa!

**Murata Ken **_at_ _2:30 pm December 10_

There is no need to panic Lord von Christ, Shibuya meant that literally. He just had an argument with Wolfram

**Wolfram** _at 2:31 pm December 10_

STOP COMMENTING ON YUURI ALL OF YOU! HE'S MINE!

_**Private Message**_

_From_: **Murata Ken**

_To_: **Wolfram**

_Message: _Your Excellency I would sincerely like to offer the benefit of my 4000 years of accumulated wisdom to you. Have you ever heard of pick-up lines? No? Allow me teach you some and I assure you that Yuuri will be yours *glasses glint*

**Wolfram** wrote on **Shibuya Yuuri**'s Wall  
"How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice – Can I get your number?"

**Shibuya Yuuri** is confused

**Wolfram **_at 2:45 pm December 10_

Wimp!

**Wolfram** is frustrated

**Murata Ken **_at 2:47 pm December 10_

Keep trying…. Remember that Shibuya is dense, so try harder!

**Murata Ken** has just taken the quiz 'How evil are you?" _Comment ~ Like ~ Take this quiz  
Quiz Result:_ 100% evil! He will do anything to anyone just for the heck of entertainment. Well I guess a Great Sage needs something to do even after the big adventure is over…But watch out! This is a menace even more deadly than Shoushu!  
_More quizzes-_

**Wolfram** wrote on **Shibuya** **Yuuri**'s Wall  
"If I had a garden I'd put your tulips and my tulips together"  
**Cecile von Spitzberg**: Oooohh! Wolfy-chan's grown up! I'll go make a nice bouquet of tulips for this occasion! ;-)

**Gwendal von Volatire** has a bad headache from all this

**Anissina **_at 3 pm December 10_

Where are you? I can't find Gunter so you can face the hazard…sorry honor of testing my latest invention: I-Go-Boom-kun!

**Wolfram** wrote on **Shibuya** **Yuuri**'s Wall  
"Are you Gillette? 'Cause you're the best a man can get"

**Shibuya Yuuri** is worried  
**  
Conrart Weller **_at 3:10pm December 10_

What is bothering you heika?  
**  
Shibuya** **Yuuri **_at 3:10pm December 10_

Wolfram is taking drugs!

**Murata Ken is** ROFL

**Wolfram **_at 3:12 pm December 10_

What does ROFL mean?

**Shibuya Yuuri is** VERY worried

**Conrart Weller **_at 3:14pm December 10_

What is it this time heika?  
**  
Shibuya Yuuri **_at 3:14pm December 10_

Wolfram said ROFL! That means he's getting hysterical!  
**  
Yozak Gurrier **_at 3:15 pm December 10_

Leave the kiddo alone Captain. He'll figure it out…..  
**  
Shibuya Yuuri **_at 3:16pm December 10_

Figure what out?  
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Conrart Weller **_at 3:17pm December 10_

You were saying Yozak?  
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Yozak Gurrier **_at 3:17 pm December 10_

Forget it. You win, I'll pay for the beer tonight

**Wolfram** wrote on **Shibuya Yuuri'**s Wall

"Fine, I'll dumb it down for you wimp.  
What's your phone number?"  
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Shibuya Yuuri **_at 3:22pm December 10_

Huh? It's a NokiaN97  
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Wolfram **_at 3:23pm December 10_

WIMP! I was hitting on you!  
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Shibuya Yuuri **_at 3:23 pm December 10_

Well yeah, you hit me everyday so what?

**Wolfram is** surrounded by fire-breathing dragons

**Shibuya Yuuri is** running away from Wolfram to consult Ulrike

**Ulrike** just wants to meditate ALONE

**Anissina **_at 3:40 pm December 10_

I didn't know Ulrike was on Facebook

**Gwendal von Volatire **_at 3:41pm December 10_

It's easier for her to deliver prophecies through her Facebook status

**Anissina **_at 3:41pm December 10_

Hmm….she's smart; maybe I should ask her to deliver a speech at the Woman Empowerment Organization's annual meeting tomorrow

**Gwendal von Voltaire **_at 3:43pm December 10_

Those crazy inventor-esses are invading Blood Pledge Castle tomorrow? I thought you said next week. We just got everyone back in and now we'll have to evacuate again!

**Gwendal von Volatire** has (**1**) new Wrinkle

**Greta** **is** with baby

**Shibuya Yuuri **_at 3:50pm December 10_

YOU'RE WITH CHILD? YOU'RE PREGNANT?

**Wolfram **_at 3:50pm December 10_

Alert my troops! IMMEDIATELY!

**Gwendal von Voltaire **_at 3:50pm December 10_

I, as the Chief Advisor to the Maou, hereby declare a state of emergency in the country

**Gunter von Christ** **has** fainted

**Murata Ken's** glasses are glinting


	3. Settling old accounts

_Disclaimer: Since I still can't spell the bald knight's name right it's obvious that Kyou Kara Maou does not belong to me_

_A/N: Yeah! I managed to get this up WAY earlier than expected! *does weird victory dance* Thank you all so much for the reviews! Lady Jam, this chapter's ShinMura for you!_

_If you want a particular pairing featured in the next chapter tell me and I'll try my best to put them in_

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Adalbert von Grantz** is now enemies with **Waltorana von Bielefield, Gwendal von Voltaire** and **11** others

**Wolfram**: Huh? My uncle is on facebook?

**Conrart Weller**: He wanted to keep an eye on your relationship status

**Shibuya Yuuri**: What's Adalbert doing here anyway?

**Wolfram**: Shinou knows what he's up to

**Murata Ken**: No I don't

**Shibuya Yuuri**:? What's that supposed to mean?

**Shinou**: It means that Shinou has hacked my account again

**Murata Ken**: Daikenja! What is the meaning of this? How dare you open a fake account in my name?

**Shinou**: Just settling old accounts

**Shibuya Miko** wants a new wedding to plan (hint, hint, Yuu-chan!)

**Shibuya Yuuri**: Mother just doesn't give up does she?

**Wolfram**: She's absolutely right wimp! It's about time we….

**Waltorana von Bielefield**: About time you?

**Gwendal von Voltaire:** Yes Wolfram? We'd like to know more…

**Conrart Weller**: Please continue….you were saying?

**Wolfram** is offline

**Shibuya Yuuri**: Thank you everyone!

**Waltorana von Bielefield**: For what exactly heika?

**Gwendal von Voltaire**: Are you implying that you are happy that we drove Wolfram off?

**Conrart Weller**: Does that mean that you are not serious about my baby brother?

**Shibuya Yuuri** is offline

**Waltorana von Bielefield**: They're both offline….

**Gwendal von Voltaire**: Does this mean….

**Conrart Weller**: Dacoscas! Check their room immediately!

**Dacoscas**: YES SIR!

**Yozak Gurrier** has sent a round of drinks to his Top Friends

"Relax"

**Cecile von Spitzberg** has uploaded a new album

**Wolfram**: Mother! How could you put such embarrassing pictures of me online! Hmph..

**Shibuya Yuuri**: *blushing* I think you look kinda nice Wolf

**Wolfram**: Only you could like such ridiculous pictures wimp

**Shibuya Yuuri**: Sorry

**Wolfram**: Does that mean you don't like them? Wimp! How can you be so fickle?

**Saralegui**: Poor Yuuri. I feel so sorry for you…..

**Shibuya Yuuri** has joined the group '**Trapped Between Two'**

**Shibuya Shouri**: Yuu-chan! You're trapped! Where? Tell me and big brother will rescue you AT ONCE!

**Ulrike** is back after a long period of meditation

**Murata Ken** is still pissed off with Daikenja

**Ulrike**: Err…geika? There's a very nice new hospital that Gisela has opened recently. Very good psychiatrists. Gisela's been missing you lately anyway. Why don't you go pay her a visit?

**Murata Ken**: It's not me I'm irritated with it's that annoying Murata, Ulrike!

**Ulrike**: Of course geika. Now Gisela really is feeling lonely so I think I should pay her a visit. Poor girl doesn't get to hear all the latest news stuck out there. She will definitely be interested in hearing about you

**Shinou** is angry with Shinou for making Ulrike believe that he is insane

**Gisela:** Maybe it's contagious?

**Dacoscas** is evacuating the castle

**The people of the castle** are getting irritated with all this packing and unpacking. First Gwendal, now Gisela *grumble* *grumble*

**Murata Ken** wants to meet his Daikenja at his shrine IMMEDIATELY!

**Ulrike**: Multiple personality disorder?

**Shinou** is going to break Shinou's head

**Gisela**: OMG! Heika's getting suicidal!

**Murata Ken** is kissing Daikenja

**Ulrike:** Extreme narcissim?

**Shinou **is fantasizing about Shinou

**Gisela**: I'm afraid so Ulrike, I'm afraid so

**_Greta Alert!_**

**Greta is** wrapped up in his arms

**Gwendal von Voltaire**: To arms men! Off with this disgusting creature's arms!

**Shibuya Yuuri**: (_Maou mode_) I do not like killing but it seems I have no choice…

**Anissina**: Wait everyone! I put a tracker on Greta yesterday when she was in my lab so we'll know who her love is at last!


	4. Stunned and punned

_Disclaimer: Stop smashing my fragile heart by making me say it again and again! *Sobs dramatically, Gunter-style* Kyou Kara Maou does not belong to me_

_Dedicated to: KythAnDra, NatsumiMichiko, turnersyndrome and Miyuki Meiru for reviewing every chapter! Please RxR this one too!_

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Anissina is** looking for new test subjects

**Gwendal von Voltaire** and **Gunter von Christ** have set up their base camp on the peak of Shin Makoku Everest

**Wolfram**: Do you have room for one more in the tent Aniue? *pleading puppy eyes*

**The maids** have captured the Daikenja to be Anissina's next guinea pig

**Shinou** is ordering black clothes to wear to his fiancé's funeral

**Murata Ken**, using 4000 years of accumulated wisdom and Lady Luck's kindness has managed to escape

**Shibuya Yuuri**: How?

**Murata Ken**: Oh well, it was one my brilliant strategies as usual….and Yozak's bad luck. He happened to be passing and I convinced Lady Anissina that his muscles would make him a more effective lab rat

**Yozak Gurrier** HAS ESCAPED!

**Shibuya Yuuri:** Wow! How did you manage it?

**Yozak Gurrier**: Oh well, it was one of my brilliant strategies as usual….. and _your_ bad luck. I convinced Lady Anissina that your maryoku would make you the most effective test subject kiddo

**Shibuya Yuuri **wrote on **Cecile von Spitzberg's** wall

"Is there any room on your new (ugh) pink love ship?"

**Cecile von Spitzberg**: Oooh heika! I am sorely tempted by your offer but let's not forget that you are my baby's fiancé after all and my Wolfy might not like it if you and I….

Wolfram: WIMP! You are the only man alive who even tries to flirt with his mother-in-law!

**Anissina is** heading back to her lab

**Murata Ken**: With Shibuya?

**Anissina: **No. Heika and Wolfram have eloped it seems

**The maids** have fainted

**The maids** have recovered. This is just not the time to faint. They might miss out on some of the most delicious gossip of the century!

**Murata Ken** is wondering where The Avenging Brother Who Is Not On Shin Makoku Everest is

**The Avenging Brother Who Is Not On Shin Makoku Everest** is busy with personal affairs

**Murata Ken**: What the….SIR WELLER is too BUSY for WOLFRAM? What is going on here?

**Yozak Gurrier:** Alas! The brave Lion of Luttenberg had been captured by the Pink Pony Torturer

**Murata Ken**: *Sigh* Let's get a move on then. Now what kind of customized coffin do you think he would have liked? And as for flowers Conrart Stands upon the Earth won't really be appropriate will they, since its Conrart's funeral? So do you Lady Celi would mind it if we changed the name to Conrart Lies upon the Earth? Or Conrart Sleeps Under The Earth?

**Anissina**: A MIRACLE!

**Yozak Gurrier**: Conrart's alive?

**Anissina:** Huh? Conrart? How am I supposed to know that? Anyway the miracle is…..my experiment failed!

**Conrart Weller** wrote on **Yozak Gurrier's** Wall

"Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. Hahahaha!"

**Yozak Gurrier** to **Anissina**

Err….O most potent invetor-ess, may I humbly suggest, with ALL due respect, that your invention may have a few side effects?

**Anissina:** Hmm….Interesting

**Yozak Gurrier**: Interesting?

**Anissina**: Yes it's very interesting

**Yozak Gurrier:** Am I just supposed to shut my ears till this wears off? Or am I supposed to die of Horrible-Pun-itits?

**Anissina:** Either you block your ears or _you_ be my test subject for a week

**Yozak Gurrier** has ordered 10 kg of cotton and 100 sets of earplugs

**Murata** **Ken**: Um….Yozak? Don't you think you're going a little overboard? I mean they're just lame puns…..how bad can it be?

**Yozak Gurrier:** His latest one was: The guy who fell into the glass grinding machine made a spectacle of himself

**Murata Ken:** Can I borrow a few sets?

**Conrart Weller** wrote on **Yozak** **Gurrier'**s Wall

" Hey Yozie, Ever since one of my friends had all the digits amputated from his feet, I find him very annoying.  
I think I might be lack-toes intolerant."

**Conrart Weller** wrote on **Yozak Gurrier's** Wall

"Heeheehee. Anissina was doing a large experiment with liquid solutions, trying to solve a problem when I pushed her in and she became a part of the solution!"

**Murata Ken:** He's suicidal!

**Anissina:** SIR CONRART WELLER! YOU ARE MY OFFICIAL TEST SUBJECT FROM NOW ON!

**Shibuya Yuuri and Wolfram**: For he was a jolly good fellow, for a jolly good felloooowwwwwwww…A pity he's now dead ta-da-da

**Gwendal von Voltaire** and **Gunter von Christ** are celebrating and considering setting foot in the castle again

**Yozak Gurrier**: *sigh*…..

**Conrart Weller** wrote on **Yozak Gurrier's** Wall

"When my mother saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye"

**Cecile von Spitzberg**: Conrart! I most certainly do NOT have grey hair! I'm a naturally stunning blonde! *does a hair flip*

**Shibuya Yuuri** and **Wolfram**: A man I knew died too young,

And in the end his song unsung

He touched my life he touched my soul

Given time he'd reach his goal

(An Original Man by Chris Dreja)

**Yozak Gurrier**: Stop. NOW.

**Conrart Weller**: But why? Seven days without a pun make one weak

**Ulrike:** Sir Weller, my crystal ball shows that you won't have long to live if you continue this way…

**Conrart Weller:** Hahaha…When Ulrike escaped from Shinou's shrine she was a small medium at large!

**The Women's Organization of Shin Makoku** has sent a petition to the king to declare Conrart Weller theirs for a day

**Yozak Gurrier**: Enough! I am the one whose Wall has been ruined therefore The Right Of Punishment belongs to me!

**Yozak Gurrier** and **Conrart Weller** are engaged

**Gwendal von Voltaire** to **Anissina**:

By the way after the failed tracker do you have any more methods to find the identity of my little Greta's….grr….*knits in the air*….. seducer?

**Anissina**: Using one of my very special techniques I have discovered that he is from Earth

**Gwendal von Voltaire**: Which technique was this?

**Anissina**: Guessing


	5. Gwendal's Love Life Part 1

**Chapter Five – Mission: Gwendal's Love Life – Part 1**

_A/N: Hi everyone! Thank you for the reviews! I was totally ecstatic to cross 50 for the first time ever!! _

_I'm sorry I couldn't put too much Yuuram in this chapter but the last 2 chapters are already sort of written out in my mind and I PROMISE plenty of it in them!_

**Murata Ken** has disappeared

**Wolfram**: Uh-oh

**Yozak Gurrier**: Looks like things are gonna move fast now kiddo

**Gwendal von Volatire**: Anissina, have you finished working on the Daikenja Proof suit? I'm almost done with the legislation for the Murata Ken Protection Program and Conrart has finished training the Wise Man Hit Squad

**Yozak Gurrier**: Oooh….so that's where my hubby's been hiding! ;-)

**Yozak Gurrier** is offline

**Shibuya Yuuri**: *Sigh* Do you think it would have been kinder to just hand Conrart over to the Women's Organization of Shin Makoku?

_**Private Message**_

_To_: **Shinou **(_Agent __**Plan That Blows Up**__)_

_From:_ **Murata Ken** (_Agent __**In Your Face**__)_

_Message_: *********************************************************

**(Well, it's a PRIVATE message after all)**

_Translation of Message_: GwendalxGunter.

You possess Gunter, I'll handle Gwendal

Over and Out

**Gunter von Christ** has taken the quiz '_How_ _well do you know Gwendal von Volatir_e'?

**Result**: 100%! You know this man in and out! Everything from his reactions to his moods is totally predictable for you which makes your relationship kind of boring at times. But still, this guy is one of life's constants for you.

_**Private Message**_

_To:_ **Murata Ken** _(Agent __**Diabolical Disaster**__)_

_From_**: Shinou**_ (Agent __**Failed Cupid**__)_

_Message:_ *********************************************************

_Translation:_ What the hell is wrong with Facebook?? Knowing someone makes them boring? I've know you for the past 4000 years and I'm definitely not bored!

_Reply:_ You didn't get bored because I got reincarnated into 57 different bodies. Also you didn't have the courage to get bored with ME, the Great Wise Man

PS: Does the fact we're talking about all this mean you _are_ getting uninterested? *glasses glinting*

**Shinou** has run away

**Ulrike:** O Great One, does your disappearance indicate the return of Soushu? Or is it some even more terrifying monster that scared even you away?

**Shibuya Yuuri** has sanctioned National Science Day

**Gunter von Christ**: Oh heikaaaaa!! If you were displeased with your faithful retainers you should have said so! Why this harsh punishment??

**Shibuya Yuuri**: I'm sorry Gunter but I like having four limbs too much to refuse Anissina

**Anissina** has gifted **Gwendal von Volatire** a _new_ _wrinkle_!

**Anissina is** taking a quiz in celebration of National Science Day to prove her support for logic and feminism, both of which of course mean the same thing

**The Maids**: GO Lady Anissina! Show the inhabitants of Shin Makoku your independence and disregard for the weaker sex A.K.A men!

**Anissina** has taken the 'How often do you chase a man?' quiz

_Result dedication: I have taken this quiz with reference to Gwendal von Voltaire, my favorite test subject!_

**Result**: You are DESPERATE! Woah, girl you need to calm down and let the poor guy breath! You're always chasing him and your clingy ways may just drive him off if you're not careful! While it is blatantly obvious that you are in love with him, try not to be so needy!

**Anissina** **is** speechless

**Gwendal von Volatire is** looking smug

**Anissina is** glaring at Gwendal von Volatire

**Gwendal von Volatire** has exchanged his '_Cause of Annoyance'_ coins for a _halo_

**Anissina:** The halo proves it! You rigged the result! That halo is being held up by red horns! I can see it! You….you…..

**Gwendal von Volatire**: Who, me?

_**Private Message**_

_From: _**Murata Ken**_ (Agent __**Pokes His Spectacle-Encased Nose Everywhere**__) _

_To: _**Shinou**_ (Agent __**Meddlesome Monster**__)_

_Message:_ *************************************************************

_Translation:_ Hmmm……..an antagonist in the love story we planned. Looks like we should move on to Plan B……

………**.to be continued………**

_A/N: Gwendal's Love Life Part 2 will be out soon!_

_Meanwhile do you people want me to make this a 7 chapter fanfiction like I had originally planned or extend it to a 10+ by putting in some more crazy situations once I'm done with all my pairings? Or do you guys want more pairings? Anyone with any couple ideas PLEASE PM ME!! _

_Depending on the response I get I'll finish off or extend this fanfic!_


	6. Gwendal's Love Life Part 2

_**Chapter 6 – Gwendal's Love Life Part 2**_

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews people!! Also a huge thank you to everyone who added this fanfic to their favorites and story alerts!!!**

**Sorry for the lame puns. I got a list of them for the chapter 'Stunned and punned' but because I couldn't fit them all in there I decided to stuff my favorites here anyway. **

**Anissina is** inventing a brand new machine especially for her dear Gwendal to try out

**Murata Ken:** Are you absolutely sure of your invention Lady Anissina? I planned a funeral for Sir Weller the last time you swore revenge on him and we had to use the area I had reserved for his wedding instead. Thankfully, no one realized that the altar was a vertical coffin.

**Conrart Weller**: If you still have the coffin geika, may I borrow it?

**Murata Ken**: ???

**Conrart Weller**: Being Conrart Sleeping under the Earth sounds a lot better than Conrart Honeymooning on Earth

**Murata Ken**: Oh so you are Yozak are going to Earth for your honeymoon?

**Yozak Gurrier**: Oooh yes! My dear mother-in-law and I planned it!

**Yozak Gurrier** and **Cecile von Spitzberg** are dancing on **Conrart Weller**'s head

**Conrart Weller**: Don't throw the funeral equipment away yet geika. We may need it soon

_**Private Message**_

_From: _**Murata Ken**

_To: _**Gwendal von Voltaire**

_Message:_ I have a developed a new method of handling the Maou's paperwork that you might be interested in. It's called computerization and will drastically reduce your workload. Kindly meet me at Shinou's shrine to discuss it at your earliest convenience

**Gwendal von Voltaire** **is** running towards Shinou's Shrine

**Doria:** Do you think that we should add Ulrike to Lord von Voltaire's Love Bets list as a sleeping candidate?

**Sangria:** No. Lord von Voltaire running out of his office, abandoning his precious paperwork can mean only one thing…………………

**Elle:** What?

**Sangria**: SOUSHU HAS RETURNED!!!!!!

**Shibuya Yuuri is** looking for Gunter von Christ

**Wolfram:** Wimp! How can you run after other men when you have a fabulous fiancé like me?

**Gunter von Christ**: Ohhhh heika! I knew that this day would come!

**Shibuya Yuuri**: We are in an emergency situation everyone. The maids have informed me that Soushu has returned.

Gunter, go to the library and check the symptoms that an individual possessed by Soushu dislays

Conrart, check our weapons supply and the castle's defenses

Yozak, evacuate the city and get the archers ready

Gisela, ensure that the sickrooms are ready

And Wolfram, CALL OFF THOSE FIRE DRAGONS!!! I AM NOT CHEATING ON YOU!!

Wait a sec, where are Murata and Gwendal?

_**Private Message**_

_From: _**Murata Ken**_** (Agent Great Wise Bully)**_

_To: _**Shinou**_** (Agent Great Bullied One)**_

_Message:********************************************************_

_Translation: _*glinting glasses and a HUGE grin* We've cracked it at last! Lord von Voltaire's on crack! That should force his emotions out...............

**ALERT TO ALL CASTLE RESIDENTS!**

**SOUSHU IS APPROACHING IN THE BODY OF GWENDAL VON VOLATIRE!**

_(Announcement courtesy of our sponsor_ **Dacoscas**)

**Murata Ken** had uploaded a new **Video** entitled **"A shotgun wedding – a case of wife or death"**

**(Murata Ken**: I don't like losing but this was worth it**)**

_Scene: The castle's residents are anxiously waiting for the attack that they know will come. The archers are ready. Everyone waits with baited breath as Gwendal's body approaches_

_He halts at the gate and then opens his mouth. What horrific announcement will he make? Is he planning to conquer the world again?_

_Gwendal von Voltaire: Anissina!_

_A sharp, collective intake of breath is heard. Now there is no doubt that it is not Gwendal von Voltaire's soul in that body._

_Doria (whispering): See I told you. If you don't pay your exorcist well you get repossessed_

_Anissina gets thrown out of the castle_

_Gunter von Christ is composing an epic poem entitled My Savior, Soushu_

_Gwendal von Voltaire: I've always wanted to tell you certain things. _

_Anissina (eyes flashing): Yes?_

_Gwendal von Voltaire: I slipped that book entitled Jokes On Girls in your laboratory_

_*Camera swivels to the castle's tower*_

_Elle nudges Yuuri _

_Elle: Heika?_

_Yuuri (mouth hanging open, watching Gwendal and Anissina): Uh-huh?_

_Elle: We have opened several new lotteries. Would you like to bet on the possibility of Lord von Voltaire suffering defeat?_

_Yuuri: You mean you think that Soushu will take him over completely?_

_Elle: No heika. I was referring to those tight boots he's wearing. If he attempts to run away from Lady Anissina he will certainly get de-feeted by his footwear_

_*Explosion*_

_*Camera swivels to Anissina*_

_Anissina: I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed individual! However allow me to unveil my latest invention: A BAKA GUN! Dacoscas!_

_*Camera over to Dacoscas*_

_Dacoscas: Yes Lady Anissina! Item Description: Lady Anissina's Baka Gun fires at any baka (stupid person) in the area automatically! Price: free for all women! _

_Note: Men are banned from buying this product as suicide is illegal as per the laws of Shin Makoku_

_*Camera back to Gwendal von Voltaire*_

_Gwendal von Voltaire: I used to have a handle on life but it broke! Therefore Lady Anissina will you marry me?_

_A collective gasp loud enough to wake the Bad Omen birds is heard from the castle wall. The maids are quickly collecting the bets for this exciting new lottery. The Daikenja's voice is heard giving instructions to the town's best coffin maker. _

_Daikenja: Yes and a plaque with the following message on it:_

_Gwendal von Voltaire, a knight whose shining armor has been extinguished– May he rust in peace_

**A/N: Sorry this chapter was kinda lame. But I just couldn't stop thinking about Yuuram and exactly how their chappy should play out. So watch out……….The next chapter will have all the characters absolutely, totally crazy ;)**


	7. National Poetry Week

_**National Poetry Week**_

**WARNING: TONS OF TERRIBLE POETRY AHEAD!!**

_Credit: b l o g c a t a l o g. c o m /b l o g / s u c k y – p o e m s. Thank you for Gwendal and Conrart's poems! I hope the original authors don't mind my modifications! And absolutely no offense meant to anyone. Your poems are AMAZING!_

**Shibuya Yuuri is** confused. What is the National Poetry Week?

**Murata Ken**: It's day on which we talk in verse heika

Because I'm wise enough to tell you this, everyone calls me geika

**Shibuya Yuuri:** Oh my god no

I'm sure today will bring me nothing but woe!

**Wolfram:** You wimp!

If you don't speak in verse today

You'll spend the rest of your life with a limp

**Gwendal von Voltaire** has composed a poem about his life with Anissina

When I get stressed I don't know how to cope  
I feel like I am drowning at my desk without any hope  
My heart pumps faster, my head starts to pound  
Every little noise is the most scary sound  
Anissina wants everything from me right now or sooner  
I wish life was like a TV show where I could switch the tuner  
Even my job is not worth this amount of stress  
Every day is another test  
To see what will make me blow up like a fuse  
10 years from now I might be amused  
For now I feel that it's just not worth it  
But I don't have the guts to get up and quit

**Conrart **has composed a poem for his heika:

I worship the ground that you walk on

I make sure your worries are long gone

I raise you up when you are down

I make you turn around your frown

I give you hope when there is no other

And I forgive you for cheating with my brother

I know it was an accident and it won't happen again

And all you need is your priorities to arrange

But all in all being with you has been the best time of my life

And I don't care that you happen to be someone else's wife

**Gunter von Christ** has written on **Shibuya Yuuri's Wall**

"To the love of my life on National Poetry Day

I'd like to sing your praise if I may"

**Shibuya Yuuri**: No! No more!

I can already hear Wolfram's roar

Thanks to Conrart's poetry

There is already plenty of blood and gore

_**Private Message**_

_**From**_**:** **Murata Ken**_ (Agent Mischief Maker)_

_**To:**_ **Shinou** _(Agent Nobleness Faker)_

_**Private Message**_: I wonder if I should reveal the fact

That you slipped Conrart the leftover crack

And watch the others react?

**Murata Ken has written on his own Wall:**

" Heehee, now let me watch all of them flip

Thanks to the information that I let slip ;-) "

**Shinou's Shrine** has been renamed

It is now known as the battlefield

Shinou claims that he was framed

But no one's listening anyway

**Shibuya Yuuri is** attempting to write a romantic poem to woo his beloved but can't get past the first line

**Wolfram:** Grr…….How dare you write you write romantic poetry for someone else when you already have a gorgeous fiancé like me?

**Shibuya Yuuri**: C'mon Wolfram! Help me out. Tell me if you like this:

My feelings for you no words can tell

**Wolfram:** Except maybe 'go to hell'?

**Shibuya Yuuri**: Aww…….You didn't like it? How about this one:

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar's sweet and so are you

**Wolfram:** Humph. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head!

**Shibuya Yuuri:** Damn. That one wasn't any good either? Maybe this one will please my love:

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot

**Wolfram**: That's everything I'm sure your love is NOT

**Shibuya Yuuri:** Sigh. I'm sorry. I guess I shouldn't have tried at all

**Wolfram:** That's right. But who were you writing to? I thought your only love was baseball

**Shibuya Yuuri**: You.

**Wolfram:** Wimpy king. Only you would need poetry to explain something so simple: I love you

**Shibuya Yuuri**: I love you too

**Shibuya Yuuri** and **Wolfram **are married

**A/N: Merry Christmas! This chapter is my X'Mas gift to all of you! Thank you for the reviews! I really loved them!**


	8. Greta's Love Life

_AN: About Greta's age in this fanfic, she's 14. As for the rest of the Mazoku, they look 18. (I'm taking a 1 Mazoku year = 4 human years count)_

**

* * *

The maids** have opened a new lottery! Betting now open!

**Shibuya Yuuri:** For what?

**Doria:** Princess Greta told us something very interesting. Oh well I always knew that we would have evens….

_**Shin Makoku Grapevine Society**_

**Shibuya Yuuri**: Does this mean my baby's had MORE than one baby?

**Wolfram:** It may just mean that she just wants BOTH her fathers to rescue her from that no-good, ****ing, ****ing…

**Gwendal von Voltaire**: It may just mean that my LITTLE girl wants 2 more sweaters like the ones I knitted her. Or maybe 4?

_*Cyber-Silence*_

**Shibuya Yuuri**: Err…didn't you give Greta a small woolly mammoth?

**Wolfram:** Yuuri! How can you be so insensitive! It was a frog, right Anuie?

**Gunter von Christ**: Nonsense! My dear friend knitted a sweet heika doll!

**Gwendal von Voltaire**: I KNITTED A SWEATER! ANY MORE QUESTIONS?

**Shibuya Yuuri:** Um…Yeah. Where's Greta?

**Greta** has disappeared

**The maids**: EEEEEE! An elopement!

**Gwendal von Voltaire is** knitting a life size replica of Ryan's sand bear

**Anissina **has started work on Track-Track-Tracker-kun

**Shibuya Yuuri is** comatose

**Gunter von Christ** has changed his signature cry of 'heeeeeeeeeiiiiikkkkaa!' to 'the late hhhhhhheeeeeeeiiiiikkkaa'

**Wolfram:** You wimp! How can you faint at a time like this? Uncle! Isn't Greta like your granddaughter? LEND ME YOUR TROOPS IMMEDIATELY!

**Stoffel von Spitzberg** has commanded Raven to look for Greta. Yuuri heika has his full support while in coma too

_**Private Message**_

_From: _**Stoffel von Spitzberg**

_To_**: Raven**

_Message:_ This might be just the opportunity we were waiting for to prove our worth to heika, right Raven?

_Reply: _*Sigh* Yes, Your Excellency

**Stoffel von Spitzberg**: HELP!

**Cecile von Spitzberg**: What is it brother? We're all busy with the Greta Issue right now

**Stoffel von Spitzberg:** But you have to help me! While I'd sent all my troops to search for Princess Greta, King Saralegui of Shou Shimaron attacked! And there's no one left in the castle to protect me!

**Cecile von Spitzberg**: Deal with it brother, deal with it.

**Murata Ken**: May I be of assistance in planning the funeral? After all I am very experienced in those.

_**Shin Makoku Grapevine Society**_

**Doria**: Have you heard that Lady Beatrice of Cavalcade is also missing?

**Sangria**: Yes, I've heard about it

**Elle:** Her father was here yesterday, looking for her, wasn't he?

**Sangria**: So are you suggesting that Beatrice could have been a sleeping candidate for Princess Greta's love lottery? After all, they were good friends as kids weren't they?

**Doria:** No, but now that you did suggest it…

**Wolfram von Bielefield is** going to check why the maids are squealing.

**Gwendal von Voltaire**: Hurry up and stop them. With everyone climbing onto the lawsuit bandwagon, the pigs might lodge a case stating that they are the only ones with the right to squeal that loud. And that'll just increase this already huge pile of paperwork that I have to do *grumble* *grumble*

**The kitchen is on fire**

**Gwendal von Voltaire**: More paperwork *groans*

**Wolfram:** YUURI! GET YOUR WIMPY ASS HERE RIGHT NOW! FAST!

**Water dragons are rising from the kitchen and have broken the north tower**

**Gwendal** **von Volatire**: *eyebrow twitching* If you're going to destroy half the castle and expect me to do the paperwork for you, heika, I QUI….

**Anissina is** putting her Baka Gun back in her pocket

**Shibuya Yuuri:** Thank you so much Anissina, If he'd finished saying QUIT then I'd have had to accept his resignation and do my own paperwork *shudders* Anyway you can have your new lab now!

**Conrart Weller is** wondering what is going on in the kitchen

**Murata Ken**: There's a rumor going around that Greta has eloped with Beatrice

**Shibuya Yuuri**: No! My daughter is not like that!

**Wolfram:** Like what wimp? *fireballs blazing*

**Murata Ken:** As I have already told you Shibuya same sex relationships are understood here

**Cecile von Spitzberg**: What's going on here?

**Murata Ken:** Beatrice and Greta have eloped

**Cecile von Spitzberg**: Nonsense! I saw Beatrice near the fountain some time ago

**The maids:** Awwwww…another candidate crossed off T_T

**The maids** are getting frustrated.

**Murata Ken:** Why?

**Doria**: With the number of candidates in Princess Greta's love lottery being 0, no one's betting! *Sigh* Life is so unexciting

**Murata Ken**: May I suggest some more candidates? And as for an excitement, all you have to do to create it is…

**Shibuya Yuuri is** confused. Why is Doria here? Cleaning? But didn't she clean the room this morning? Oh well, I guess I'll just go into the garden.

**Shibuya Yuuri is** baffled. Why is Sangria watering the plants in the garden? Isn't that the gardener's job? Wait, what's she humming?

**Sangria:** O Rinji von Wincott with hair so attractively blue

Away with the Princess Greta he flew

And her fathers still have no clue

While he and Greta scre…..Oh heika! I didn't notice you at all!

**Shibuya Yuuri**: AAARRRGGHH! WHAT WAS THAT LAST WORD?

**Gwendal von Volatire is** puzzled. A report just came in stating that all the dogs in the capital have run away. Their owners say it was probably because they were scared of the canine that let out a roar some time ago.

**Doria reports**: Lord Shibuya Wolfram entering the room! Good work Elle!

**Elle:** Credit to Dacoscas!

**Wolfram is** irritated. Why in hell is horse dung lying around in the hallway? I've accidentally stepped in some and now I'll have to go to my room to change my shoes *grumble*

Huh? Why is Doria cleaning up my room? Wait what's that song she's humming? It's not the one she usually sings when cleaning…..

**Doria:** Dear Dacoscas with a head that's bald

The shine held Princess Greta enthralled

Oh she was so very captivated

That I begin to think that those two were fated!

….Oh when did you enter? I didn't notice you at all!

**Wolfram:** DACOSCAS!

**Gwendal von Voltaire is** thinking that the sun is setting unusually early today. Ah, it's so relaxing watching that great blaze of fire that is the sun as it settles in the….wait the light's coming from the EAST today!

**Murata Ken**: Err…Lord von Voltaire? It is a great blaze of fire but it's not exactly the sun….

**Conrart Weller is** perplexed. Why are the maids cleaning up his training ground? The floor's covered with sand anyway. Probably annual cleaning day. Oh well, might as well get some practice…..

**Sangria: ***Giggle* Target #3

**The maids**: Lord von Voltaire has such an air

He knits toys with such flair

So it's no wonder that everyone's aware

That he and Greta are having an affair!

**Lord von Voltaire**: No, no, it's all lies I swear

**Conrart Weller**: *Glare*

**Murata Ken**: National Poetry Week is over so there's no need to talk in rhymes I declare

**Shibuya Yuuri, Wolfram and Conrart Weller** **are** drawing up a list of suspects

**Cecile von Spitzberg:** A list of suspects for what? Has there been some crime in the city?

**Conrart Weller**: This is a list of those guilty of the most heinous crime of all…romancing Greta….

**Cecile von Spitzberg**: Oh you silly boys. Let me hear the list anyway.

**Wolfram:** Rinji von Wincott

**Cecile von Spiztberg**: Impossible. Seen near the fountain an hour ago

**Wolfram:** Hmph. Dacoscas

**Yozak Gurrier:** Hey kiddo, I saw him too near the fountain 'bout 15 minutes ago

**Shibuya Yuuri:** *snatching list from Wolfram before it combusts* Lord Gwendal von Volatire

**Ulrike**: He is walking towards the fountain heika

**Shinou:** Hmm…..why is everyone going near the fountain? Is it because…..

**Murata Ken**: Got it! It's because Greta's lover's on Earth! And Beatrice, Rinji, Dacoscas and Gwendal are the people closest to her so they've probably gone to the wedding!

**Shibuya Yuuri:** Stop it Wolfram! With the number of fireballs you're making all the water will evaporate! I'll transport the two of us to Earth to check this out immediately!

**Cecile von Spitzberg**: Could you please take me too?


	9. Greta's Lover Revealed

_Disclaimer: I've said so many times already!_

_A/N: A huge THANK YOU to everyone who read and reviewed this story, put it on their alerts and favorites and especially to those who attempted to guess the identity of Greta's lover._

**Quick Guide to Where on Earth Are They: They're in a small Swiss town which has a church. There's a lake next to the church. Nothing else really matters.**

_**Facebook Chat**_

**Golden Girl:** First, a quick introduction to everyone's Code Names out here. Oh and we're in Code Names because the mission to figure out the identity of Greta's love is a SECRET one in case you didn't know

**BratzDoll:** Mother! My daughter is eloping with a fiend and you're worried about introductions?

**Golden Girl**: *squeezing him into a bosom hug* Alright so let's begin:

Anissina'sBlueEyedBoy **–** Gwendal von Voltaire

BratzDoll – My gorgeous little doll, Wolfram!

**BratzDoll:** Mother I am NOT a brat or a doll! How dare you set up such an undignifi….

**Golden Girl**: *squeezing harder*

WhatElseButWimp: Shibuya Yuuri

All's Well-er: Conrart Weller, his smile is just so reassuring!

Murata Ken: Your Wickedness

LilacLove: Gunter von Christ

And me, Cecile von Spitzberg, the golden girl because of my gorgeous hair which are a shining, shimmering, lustrous….

**All's Well-er**: All right, all right, we get it mother!

**Golden Girl is** offended

**Golden Girl has signed out**

**All's Well-er**: *Sigh* Anyway on with the mission…So BratzDoll what's the status on Earth?

**BratzDoll:** Yuuri asked the water to take him to the town Greta was in so we're in a small Swiss town right now

**WhatElseButWimp:** Wolfram! Greta's in the local church and she's wearing a white dress!

**All's Well-er**: Uh-oh, Heika REALLY shouldn't have told Wolfram that

**Your Wickedness:** Why?

**All's Well-er:** Did I ever tell you about the Bielefield family motto: It's all fun and games till someone gets hurt – then, it's hilarious

_Greta has updated her Facebook Status_. **View** **Ignore**

**Greta is** so excited! The Big Day is finally here!

**Your Wickedness:** The Big Explosion is here all right, Wolfram's reached the church…

_**Private Message**_

_From:_** Greta**

_To:_** God**

_Message:_ Dear Lord,

I pray for wisdom to understand my Papa Wolfram

Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods

Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death

**Golden Girl:** Oh darling, boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up. I wish I could comfort you more right now but as you know I'm so very busy….

**WhatElseButWimp:** Sorry I'm late in coming to the church Wolfram! I got fined by a traffic policeman *grumble* *grumble* If he doesn't like the way I drive he should just stay off the footpath!

**BratzDoll:** Help! I'm drowning in the lake next to the church!

**WhatElseButWimp:** OMG! How do I save a drowning Wolfram?

**Your Wickedness**: Just take Greta's foot off his head

**Inventoress-kun**: Go Greta! Show them the WOMEN POWER!

**All's Well-er:** I knew it was a bad idea to let Greta spend so much time with Anissina

**BratzDoll** and **WhatElseButWimp** have finally managed to convince **Greta** to talk to them!

**Greta:** Don't walk in front on me because I'm not following you. Don't walk behind me because I'm not leading you. Don't walk beside me either. Just leave me alone.

**All's Well-er:** Sigh. Looks like she IS a teenager after all

**Greta:** Leave me alone!

**BratzDoll:** Come on Greta! This is serious! If you're dating can't you at least tell us who it is, Flower Princess?

**Greta:** Papa! That silly nickname only worked when I was a kid!

**WhatElseButWimp**: C'mon Greta, tell us, who are you in love with?

**Greta:** Did you know that it takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone?

**BratzDoll:** Greta! There's no need to be rude to your Papa Yuuri

**WhatElseButWimp:** WHO IS YOUR LOVER?

**Greta:** Saralegui _(A/N: Did I get the spelling right? For those of you who followed my clues, there's an explanation in the A/N below)_

**BratzDoll:** First my fiancé, now my daughter! What the hell is wrong with that BLOODY (censored)

**All's Well-er**: I told you that we couldn't trust him heika

**WhatElseButWimp is** comatose

**LilacLove:** Oh heeiiikkkaaaaa…..

**BratzDoll:** Hennachoko! Is that your standard response to any revelations as far as Greta's love life is concerned?

**WhatElseButWimp is **offline

**All's Well-er**: Heika probably needs some time to…..adjust

**Greta: **Papa Wolfram! Is Papa Yuuri going to hurt Saralegui?  
**BratzDoll:** Keep quiet Greta. Just stay where you are and don't cause more trouble

**Greta: **Hmph. Parents. They spend the first part of your life teaching you to walk and talk and then spend the rest of your life telling you to sit down and shut up.

**BratzDoll has** gone to deal with the purple glasses freak

**Saralegui Greta**

HELP! MY HAIR'S CAUGHT FIRE! CALL YOU DAD OFF!

**GretaWolfram**

Daddy! Stop it!

**WolframGreta**

*innocent face* What he was shivering so much by the time I reached him that I thought he was cold. And you know what they say 'Make a man a fire, keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire, keep him warm for life'

**Police Department of XYZ Town**: _Mr. Shibuya Yuuri_ has been arrested for refusing to vacate a bar at closing tine and creating a scene in a public place while drunk. If any of his relatives/friends are in town, you may bail him out by contacting the local police station.

**Shibuya Yuur**i: Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

**Conrart Well-er**: Err…heika? I think you should just let us handle this


	10. A Family Dinner Party

**A Family Dinner Party**

_A/N: Thank you all for the amazing reviews! With Facebook Lite coming in, I've decided to change the style in which I write Facebooked too though not too much. Like/Dislike it? My long absence is explained in the A/N below if you're interested._

* * *

You are (not so) cordially invited to a small family dinner party at Covenant Castle (grr….Greta! Why do we need to invite that snake? It's a FAMILY dinner party! Hmph) The party shall begin (or end, depending on the effectiveness of Wolfram's anger management classes) at 7:30 pm.

Dress Code: Formal (Wait, there's a dress code? Since when do we have dress codes at family parties?) (Shut up wimp, this is not a family party, it's a Murder party!)

**Menu**

_**Starters**_**:** Saralegui Soup (_courtesy of Chef Shibuya Yuuri)_

_**Main Course**_: Saralegui Roast Turkey _(courtesy of Chef Wolfram_)

_**Desert**_**:** Sliced Saralegui with Soil Topping (_courtesy of Chefs Conrart Weller and Gwendal von Voltaire)_

**Saralegui – Greta**

Why do I get the feeling your family doesn't really want me to come?

**Greta – Saralegui**

C'mon Sara, you're being silly. I told Papa Wolfram to send you an invitation and he did! Hmm….I think I should offer his anger management therapist a raise…..

_**Shin Makoku Times e-news**_

Obituary: Last night, the royal anger management therapist died in an unfortunate fire that took place around…. **Read more**

**Gwendal von Voltaire – Cecile von Spitzberg**

Mother do you think that you could dye your hair some other color so that we don't make a mistake when aiming the cannon for Saralegui's horse? It's a little difficult to see properly from the top of North Tower

**Cecile von Spitzberg is** furious. Who dared to blow up my favorite horse?

**Gwendal von Voltaire**: Sigh. I guess I was a little late in warning you mother

**Cecile von Spitzberg**: The next person who attempts to injure my Greta's first boyfriend will be given bosom hugs for the next 2 years!

**Gwendal von Voltaire**: *Gulp*

**Shibuya Yuuri:** What's the punishment if we just severely injure him?

**Cecile von Spitzberg**: Two hundred 'Daarrrrllliinng!' screeches to wake you up instead of the alarm clock for 2 years. Daily.

**Shibuya Yuuri:** *Gulp*

**Wolfram**: Don't worry mother! I will keep these two under control and make sure that dear Sara's first family dinner with us goes perfectly!

**Wolfram** has acquired a halo in the Mother _**Pacifying Game/Application**_

**View / Add to your profile**

**Murata Ken:** *glinting glasses*

**Dacoscas:** SARALEGUI HEIKA OF SHOU SHIMARON HAS ARRIVED AT CONVENANT CASTLE!

**Saralegui**: Oof! Lord Wolfam…..ouch….there's no…need…..*gasping for air*…of such a tight bosom hug…..

**Gwendal von Voltaire: **Pay up Gunter, I told you that Wolfram's Halo was acquired by hacking the program

**Gunter von Kleist: ***grumble* I should have known. After all your mother's the Maou of Subtle Revenge

**Cecile von Spitzberg:** Oooh! Wolfram is being so nice to my little Greta's boyfriend! I guess he really has grown very mature now. Wait a second, where's Greta?

**Murata Ken**: *glinting glasses*

**Shibuya Yuuri**: Hang on, how can Murata Ken's glasses possibly be glinting? It's night time, for god's sake!

**Conrart Weller**: It's another part of the Great Sage's sinister mysteries.

**Cecile von Spitzberg is** wondering where those strange noises are coming from

**Wolfram:** Oh that's a new chef that Yuuri and I bought in from Earth for today's special dinner

**Gwendal von Voltaire: **He's a very good man, a Mr. Bond James Bond

**Shibuya Yuuri:** Gwendal! His name is James Bond!

**Gwendal von Voltaire**: Then why did he say 'Bond. James Bond' when we were introduced?

**Shibuya Yuuri:** Forget it

**Cecile von Spitzberg**: So which dish is he preparing?

**Gwendal von Volatire**: He's preparing an exotic drink mother

**Cecile von Spitzberg**: Oooh…..Which drink?

**Wolfram**: A Saralegui On The Rocks

**Shibuya Yuuri**: Stirred, not (merely) shaken

**Cecile von Spitzberg**: Oh you two! You had a drink named after Sara! Now he'll feel like a part of our family!

**Wolfram**: Yes mother, he's down in the kitchens right now as a matter of fact. He's very…err…absorbed in the creation of this drink

**Gwendal von Voltaire**: I can't believe that Anissina's juicer/mixer/grinder actually worked

**Gunter von Kleist**: Uh…actually it didn't. She'd just re-named it 'Electrocution-kun'

**Gwendal von Voltaire**: Oh well that works as well as long as dear Sara's the test subject

**Sangria – Gwendal von Voltaire**

There is a strange gentleman waiting for you downstairs. A Mr. Sherlock Holmes.

**Gwendal von Voltaire**: I'll be there in a minute

_**Shin Makoku Times e-news**_

**BREAKING** **NEWS**!

Gwendal von Voltaire spotted smiling! All our theories, from alien abduction and cloning, to cucumbers wearing polka dotted underwear, on our website...**Read more**

**Sangria is** wondering if It is possible?

**Doria:** No, surely not…..

**Elle:** Hah! You're such a coward! Put my bet on that Mr. Sherlock Holmes for Lord von Voltaire's Love Lottery

**Greta is** sorry for being late!

**Shibuya Yuuri:** It's alright Greta. In fact, I'd have liked it even better if you'd turned up a few more centuries later.

**Conrart Weller**: What's that on your dress? It seems a little crooked

**Cecile von Spitzberg:** Conrart will NEVER understand the intricacies of fashion and draping, Greta dear, just leave that question unanswered

**Wolfram: ***whispering* Is she still mad because we won't let her dress us up for tonight?

**Conrart Weller**: That and Dacoscas's behavior

**Shibuya Yuuri**: ?

**Wolfram**: Mother and Anissina came up with a new hair growth potion for Dacoscas. Fortunately the only grey cell in his brain that survived Gisela's Sergeant Mode sparked to life that day and he decided to test the potion on one of the horses first.

**Conrart Weller**: The poor horse still hasn't stopped sprouting hair

**Shibuya Yuuri:** The potion WORKED?

**Wolfram:** From the ears

**Shibuya Yuuri**: Oh…..

**Greta** can't figure out why Saralegui ran out of the castle like that. Wait, what's that dark shadow behind him? Papa! Did you do anything? *glare*

**Shibuya Yuuri **and** Wolfram**: We did not! We can't believe you would suspect us, your own fathers!

**Gwendal von Voltaire** has uploaded a new profile picture called '_The Picture of Innocence'_

**Murata Ken**: Out with it, Lord von Voltaire, we all know you did it.

**Gwendal von Voltaire**: ALL? *shudders* Now I have three females on my trail?

**Murata Ken**: Well Greta doesn't know yet but that can be altered if you wish…  
**Gwendal von Voltaire:** Stop! I swear by my giant sand bear doll that I will tell you the truth! I paid that Sherlock Holmes fellow to let me borrow the Hound of Baskerville for a few hours!

**Shibuya Yuuri:** I thought that it was just a legend that turned out to be false in the end?

**Murata Ken:** *glinting glasses* You thought that Mazoku were a legend too Shibuya. And Pochi. And Maryoku. And….

**Shinou **and** Wolfram**: Stop flirting you two!

**Shibuya Yuuri**: *whispering* Do hot headed blondes run in the family or something?

**Murata Ken**: *whispering* No they don't. They run in the corridors of the castle, chasing double-blacks. RUN! *starts running*

**Shibuya Yuuri**: Pant. Puff. Forget it….I need to save my energy to run till the fountain.

**Shinou **and** Wolfram**: CHEATERS!

* * *

_A week later_

**Sangria is** screaming

**Doria**: Is it a rat invasion?

_**(Advertisement: Call Pied Piper of Hamlin, 1800-99-22)**_

**Dacoscas**: I promise I cleaned my feet before coming in today!

_**(Advertisement: Call Cinderella's Glass Slipper Makers, the ultimate in footwear!)**_

Gisela: Enough! What is the matter Sangria?

(_**Advertisement: *Shudder* No one has the guts to advertise next to the Scary Sergeant)**_

**Gisela is** screaming

**Anissina:** Aha! Cloning technology has been developed!

**Shibuya Yuuri**: Did Dacoscas take a day off without notice again?

**Cecile von Spitzberg**: Did you finally realize that your uniform doesn't suit your hair color at all?

**Gisela is** telling everyone to read the PM that Greta sent Sangria

_**Forwarding to all**_

**Private Message**:

_From_: **Gisela**

_To_: Contact List (**Shibuya Yuuri, Shinou**…..)

_Attachments:_ Note – **Forwarded message **attached.

_Message_: _Original Message_

_From_: **Greta**

_To_: **Sangria**

_Message_: Please forward this message to Papa Yuuri or Papa Wolfram

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Saralegui and he is so nice-even with all his sneakiness, plots of world domination, manipulation of other's powers and misuse of his own. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Saralegui said that we will be very happy. He has now given up the throne and already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Saralegui taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Sara can get better; he sure deserves it! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.

Your daughter, Greta

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Beatrice's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my _new boyfriend_

**Everyone:** NOT AGAIN!

* * *

AN: The biggest THANK YOU in history to all my reviewers, especially TheDarkWingedAngel, whose reviews made me wake up and update.


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